I'm Breaking Up With Christmas.

I loved Holidays. I admit it. I was one of those people who get excited over mundane, stupid things like holidays. I decorate, I bake, I throw parties, I even get married on them. I go nuts. But this year was different.
My Dad also liked holidays. He loved spending time with the family, watching cheesey Christmas movies, eating whatever vegan treats I brought from Cleveland and having wrapping paper wars at his sister's house.
Christmas just does not feel the same anymore without him. I still decorated, baked, and spent time with family...but it felt...wrong. As much as I wanted to have a good time and make it a wonderful first Christmas for Olivia, things were just depressed and empty.
Christmas night, Jon and I went to the cemetery and brought my Dad some chocolates I had made. I wished the ground would have opened up and absorbed them, so I would know they reached my Dad. Or better yet, if a light had shown down as they slowly ascended into the night air. But, neither of those things happened. Instead sprinkled with my tears, they lay in the snow, probably to be eaten by a raccon or squirrel by morning.

Today, January 3rd, I am grateful the holidays are over. I hate them. They bring nothing but sadness and a longing that will never be filled. My sister, Cassi, when Jon and I saw her Dec. 23rd, said something that I now finally agree with. She said she was cancelling Christmas this year and instead celebrating "Cassi Day". I now understand what she meant when she said that in the cleared out, emptiness of my Dad's house.
Let's celebrate Cassi Day.