Father Dies, "Chaos" becomes Daughter's Middle Name

I have never been so brave in my entire life. I found out my Dad had passed away on my way back to Cleveland from Dayton, after a day at Ikea, where Jon and I blew like $500 on cheap crap and a Panda-log. It had been a good weekend, Jon watched a Red Sox game with his Dad, I finally caught up with my best friend Emily, who had just recently gotten engaged. But I will never feel the same about Ikea, where I bought several heart-shaped items and a red comforter, for our new "bleeding hearts" themed bedroom. Had I known subconsciously that a heart attack had taken my father away the previous night?

From the moment I found out, my life whirled out of control. I realized I hadn't seen my Dad since last Christmas. Hadn't talked to him since his birthday, August 10th. I am a horrible daughter. As for the rest of my family, my brother and his wife were expecting baby Olivia to be born in 2 weeks, my sister became suddenly homeless and my mother continued her stint as the crazed alcoholic who blames her life's problems on her 3 children.

Jon was the only person left in my life who I could truly count on. Even with him, I could feel the exhaustion in his body and mind. But he was the only person who knew exactly what I was going through, as he had been there before, 6 years prior.

Everyone tries to help and tell you it will be okay. Well, I'm here to tell you, it will not be okay. Be grateful for what you have in your life. You will never understand my pain or feel true sorrow until you lose your hero, your best friend or someone you love.

I am entirely too sick of hearing about and dealing with other people complaining about how crappy their lives are. I know who you are and what you are dealing with, and trust me, you don't have it that bad. It can always get worse. My wish is that you would put yourselves in my shoes and realize how good you have things.

I have lost my Dad, my rock; have a chronic illness and a suicidal, alcoholic mother...but I still have an amazing marriage and a beautiful new niece to keep me going. It could be worse.

I try to smile each day and remember things my Dad has taught me. Death does not scare me anymore. If I were to die in the near future, I'd get to see my Dad. If I get to live a long life, I know he's watching over me, this is what makes me brave to the world.

The holidays will be extremely hard to bear this year. I hope they have TV's in heaven, because I would hate to think of my Dad having to miss the "A Christmas Story" marathon on TBS, a movie of which he could recite nearly every line.



Vegan thought of the Day: Vegan Cannolis, a true miracle.